The “radical ephemerality of the mind.” That’s a phrase from yesterday morning’s yoga class, which kicked off a spring day when the snow just fell and fell.
I happen to love snow, no matter when it falls on the calendar, no matter if it’s wet and sloppy or airy and feathery. Snow brings out the little kid in me. Not for me the grousing of most folks confronted with a late-season blizzard.
In fact, I notice that I want a storm to last longer, snow harder, more more more. Never mind if it means I need to shovel longer/harder/more. There’s still this internal clinging. I believe the Buddhists would call that attachment.
It’s just: I like the draping of snow over every twig and berry. I want that to stay. I want to fill my eyes with that clean beauty. It’s even more precious for being so fleeting. (A few years ago when we were in the deep freeze with that Arctic Vortex, I hated the extreme cold but loved the way it preserved the softness of snow.)
Today I woke up to a different kind of loveliness, with wind and sun conspiring to wipe the snow off every limb. I got out for my walk as soon as I could.
Watching the ephemerality of nature (and my mind), I noticed my tendency to focus on past and future moments instead of NOW. Like: This creek view reminded me how I walked on it when it was frozen solid a few months ago. That was another moment I wanted to last forever.
I decided I would continually draw my attention to the here and now, instead of mentally wishing for something to last beyond its particular moment. “Be where your feet are,” is something I remember Anne Lamott saying, and in my Yak-traxed boots, I did my best.
The same wind that chilled my face and kicked up snow like desert sand had carved gargoyle shapes on top of this bridge railing.
Is this the last Yak-trak of the season? Would I step less reverently if I expected more?
What I’d like to do is pay close attention in every moment regardless of its assigned significance. Barring that, I’d like to remember to remember to remember to come back to the present moment… as soon as I remember to!
When I am distracted from the present moment there’s often some underlying fear that I’m resisting like the fear of being responsible, of being different, inferior, superior, or the fear I won’t be loved or if only like your case if only the snow would last for longer. These fears keep coming back though if you don’t resist them and just allow yourself to feel them as they pass they will not interfere with your ability to be present. Enjoy your moments and your connection with nature.
Thank you, Samuel, I agree!
Beautiful stuff, Shawndra. BTW, I LOVE the snow too! 🙂
A kindred spirit! Thanks for leaving your comment, Robin!
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